Something terribly stupid this way comes...

Today was a beautiful day and Dumpy was out and about playing with some sticks and a ball. He tried very hard to hit the ball with one of the sticks but quite often missed and even when he hit the ball seemed not to be getting the message that it was supposed to go in a certain direction. To help educate the ball often Dumpy would take to picking the ball up after hitting it, when he did hit it, and moving it to where it was supposed to be after being hit. He would then spend several minutes lecturing the unmoving ball as to the rights and wrongs of going where he wanted and not where it seemed to want to go.

There were, as it happened, as it always seemed to be the case, several men standing around him following him up and down the nice greenery with excellent sandpits in which Dumpy was very keen to play with his balls and always one or two other people accompanying them who also had sticks and balls but they always seemed to have balls that were far better trained as they definitely seemed to go to the places the other men with sticks wanted them to go. On such occasions Dumpy would take his errant ball and place it close, although just in front, of these other peoples balls so as to show his ball the right direction for future reference. It did not seem to be working.

Some people had occasionally, because people seemed to very often do occasional things, explain to him that when he made contact with the ball, and apparently, sometimes even when he did not, he was supposed to count up the number of times he had hit, or had tried very very hard to hit, the ball and then write the number he arrived at on a piece of paper as he travelled around the nice green area with the most excellent sandpits. Dumpy always listened most intently and then wrote down a number that bore pretty much no resemblance to the number of hits and very very near hits but nobody seemed to mind and so he just continued doing that despite the occasional, but quite often, advice.

Back in the forest across the big pond where the squirrels had convened to discuss death and taxes, they had arrived at a conclusion. The conclusion was unanimous and they would go, en masse, together, and immediately, to London. The leader led them as leaders do but of course being squirrels there was no real leader just the first squirrel to speak, or squeak, had somehow found themselves to be the leader designate. As opposed to leader desiccate which, as a former leader had discovered, was entirely different to designate but that's an entirely different story.

The leader led and with the leader was the co-leader, co, as in happened to be squatting next to the leader when first the leader had spoken. It was somewhat immaterial that all the leader had said was "who's in charge here?" This was somewhat perplexing because the leader had simply wanted to tell whoever was in charge that the black figures with obscured faces on horses that seemed to be hot under the collar about something and who had dispatched their comrade had been joined by two other black clad apparitions on two more black horses and had headed towards London. Not that squirrel, who was now leader squirrel, knew where or what London was but there happened to be a sign at which they pointed and upon the sign was written 'London'.

So, the leader started to lead, with the co-leader. Two bounces along they noticed that the cunning plan has not very cunning nor much of a plan as the squirrel hordes were not exactly following they were far more dispersing in each and every possible direction rather than a single determined direction. The co-leader, for sake of argument and future reference, was called Di, was quite adept at getting other squirrels to follow and so took out some nuts from the safety of her cheeks and enticed the horde to once again become... a horde!

Back in the nice big house with the shiny door and the big number 10 upon it... DingDom walked into BoJo's office.

"BoJo, there are several men in black out here that want to have a word with you. I'm not entirely sure who they are nor indeed how they got in, but anyway, I have put them in the cabinet room as we no longer use it for anything else!" Said DingDom.

"Righty ho!" Replied BoJo not looking up from his newspaper, well, comic. "I'll be there almost immediately." and went back to reading his paper, well comic.