Here, free money, today only…

Oh, by the way, you have to read to the end of the blog entry today if you are superstitious, that’s because I have put a ‘read me’ curse on the blog entry and only by reading through the blog will you un-curse yourself by reading the hidden anti-curse. It’s all very clever really, basically, you write a curse, get it approved by the Royal Society of Curses and then embed it within a paragraph of seemingly harmless drivel. That’s what I have done. The paragraph you just read contains the hidden curse and the antidote to the curse is hidden within a paragraph in the remainder of the blog… see… simple really!

The curse is a money curse. If you fail to read the remainder of the blog entry you will lose a small amount of money in the next 47 hours. I can’t go into the whole ‘why 47 and not 48 hours?’ bit now, just take my word for it. Anyway, the cool thing is, this money you lose will somehow find its way to me within 65 hours after the initial 47. Cool huh! Anyway, on with the blog…

I was right about both UPS and HDNL. Both of them ignored my pleas for help and put cards in my mailbox asking for me to re-arrange delivery at a time convenient with them! Either that or come and get my parcel from them in a varying number of days or they will simply return the goods from whence they came… Great British service! To be fair, HDNL claim they will deliver on Saturdays. Then again, so do Parcel Force and yet on *two* Occasions in the past six weeks I have requested Saturday deliveries, stayed in all day and been let down by them… But I kind of expect that from Parcel Force! Guess we are lucky they don’t just go on strike, like we’d notice! Bunch of lazy good for nothing layabouts!

I love the fact I have something winging its way (literally) from the other side of the world. I can watch it hit waypoint after waypoint until it gets to Reading. After which the tracking website simply says, abandon hope all ye who enter here, and when I have the speakers off mute I would swear I can hear some quiet cackling laughter in the background!

Perhaps it’s time to give up on the whole delivery thing. Perhaps we need to adopt the collection point mechanism used in some other countries. All our mail and parcels get delivered to a single point in the town centre and we just go and collect from that place. Somewhere with plenty of free parking and individual mailboxes inside a clean pleasant lobby area. And a counter over which you can collect your parcels simply by handing over the card that has been put in your mailbox and not having to wait while some geriatric fills out half a dozen forms because the computer cannot handle manual collection… which of course it should as I’m guessing 80% of them are collected and not ‘delivered’!

Oh well, just a dream!

I was thinking a minute ago what it would be like to put my hand in a wood chipper… I’m guessing painful! I was also wondering whether John Hallett is ‘really’ friends with the real Jenson Button and further wondering whether Jenson is really friends with all those Russian girls in his ‘friends’ list… I have a feeling Jenson can be a very friendly man… I am sure there will one day be many Buttonevskayas around!

By the way, the curse is now lifted. You can all relax and go back to whatever it was you were doing before you accidentally got yourself cursed by me!



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