Three legged meanderers... and other stuff

BoJo was looking a little perturbed and generally confused as a nice man from the Treasury had come to visit him and was doing some math with BoJo to try to explain that the expression 'added two and two and got five' was not actually a legitimate way to do national accounts for a whole country regardless of what his cousins, quite literally, where doing back across the, quite literal, pond. He was doing math because he was American you see and in America they really try to use as few letters as possible when expressing themselves as there was a study that said it really wasted oxygen and also wore out the speaking box thingy in the throat, so they did away with lots of unnecessary words and letters and stuff like that.

Indeed a follow up survey pretty much said the same thing about keyboards and how the US language meant that keyboards lasted longer in the US than in Europe because there were simply less letters to type, plus you could type more memos and still get all the same points across that any 'damned Brit', as they like to call us in that kind chummy definitely not condescending manner that forms part of the teaching in school, that and how to shoot an assault rifle at a deer and useful stuff like that!

But the story meanders much like a cow in Vietnam that steps on an unexploded landmine in a paddy field and has it's left rear leg blown clean off but doesn't actually stop eating grass, or maybe paddy, who knows, but essentially, being short one leg, it meanders. Very much like this story.

But the man from the Treasury, which was certainly amusing as the last thing there was in the treasury was treasure! What he was trying to explain in a drawl filled with drool which seemed quite cruel, was, there was no actual money with which to pay for all the wonderful programs BoJo was going around telling everybody he was going to spend like some kind of wonderful wizard who was certainly sans clothes and probably sans marbles too.

All well and good, thought BoJo, but we should have these things and so we should buy them and if we have a treasureless treasury, and the money tree has been felled to make way for a beef farm by some homeless Brazilian with a Brazilian. Well... then we would just have to make some.

He summoned Big Ears because Big Ears always had some great spiffing kind of ideas for stuff like this. Sure enough Big Ears bounced into the room as though he had heard people talking about just the kind of stuff he liked messing about with, which is probably quite true because, you see, he has big old ears does Big Ears, it's not like he has a big penis and he's called Big Ears ironically or even euphemistically it's just, he has rather large ears.

Big Ears was a little perturbed by something else as he'd noticed somebody had tied up four very black horses out the back but the riders were nowhere to be seen. Horses being tied up around the place was not actually uncommon, after all, there were plenty of cowboys around here and one of them was even an American, but these horses were different, they kinda looked evil. Although I suspect whether a horse looks evil or not is highly dependant upon your experience of the horse or horses in general. For instance, if you were riding a horse and it stopped suddenly causing you to fly over its head into a big prickly, painful bramble bush and then, as you extricated yourself muttering something about glue factories, the horse neighed in a manner that sounded uncomfortably like a laugh... that might lead you to think that particular, soon to be dog food (or for any French readers, food), was evil!

"So, Big Ears", said BoJo, "how does money come about?"

"Ah, that's not so hard, we print it in a big money making print works down in the Welsh countryside!" Said Big Ears.

Big Ears noticed the return of the blank yet confused expression meandering across the face of BoJo.

"It's a country, part of the union" and he pointed, roughly to his left, which was very roughly, towards where Wales was.

"Oh, I see" Said BoJo, "well, can we get the Wales people to print some more please!" He exclaimed, because he saw no need to ask it as a question as, last time he checked, he was still in charge. He did have to check quite often and mainly with the BBC as they seemed to know what was going on before most other people, including most people that they were reporting on! So, he did check, it was confirmed he was, and so he nodded as if the nod was a repeat of the exclamatory non-question he had just not asked.

"okeydokey" said Big Ears for no good reason and he trounced back out of the room past a group of rather strange men wearing long black gown/cape/hoodie type things and thought nothing of it as DingDom was probably having guests round.

Over in the US, Dumpy was busy explaining to people how he did not break the rocket in a country far far away and nobody should say otherwise else he might not break their rockets either. This particularly exasperated those around him, and pretty much everybody else because nobody asked if he broke it and most did not even know it was broke until Dumpy denied breaking it!

As for the Squirrels, they'd all gone very quiet!