Gold Bricking It...

...meanwhile, in a land far far away...

Dumpy sat in the corner of his room playing with his super great Lego set. It was a lovely room, all plush and bright with a big desk where Dumpy could do his colouring in with big crayons and when nice people came in to visit he'd draw a huge big signature on their pads and seal it with great big kisses. Sometimes he would go and chat to nice people who came in for a little talk with the little chap before they went off to find the adults who were generally keeping out of sight in a side room in case Dumpy got all frustrated and started throwing toys and stuff.

But today he was playing quietly in the alcove that overlooked the lawn with the big green whirligig toy that he enjoyed riding on with the pretty lady that held his hands when they went to play in the sandpits with a little white ball. And he always had his secret rubber so he could make amends to the big numbers and make them smaller if he wanted, and he didn't like it when anybody complained that it was really not nice to make big numbers smaller so when they did he asked the nice men in glasses with whirly squirly little things hanging from their ears and big bulges in their suits if they would be so very kind to ask those people that did not like him making big numbers smaller if they would leave and not come back. Which he liked that they always did and he also liked that the people that had to leave always looked so upset at having to go but always went with this strange look on their face. Anyway, he never saw them again after that so he did not care much and mostly he just forgot their names after moving to the next sandpit and changing another number down with a giggle.

And while he played with his very super wonderful best ever bricks from the great American Lego company (well, he was told it was a great American company and that seemed to make him happy) he marvelled at the prettiness of the blocks. And marvel he should as they were pure blocks of the prettiest coloured gold and some specialer ones of platinum and less specialer ones of silver and some other colours too. All wonderful and there are hundreds and thousands of these little blocks lying on the floor in front of him or in cupboards around the house or in secret hidey places in his other secret places around the place that big black cars took him to visit. He liked playing with his blocks very much and was always finding ways to get people to bring him more of them, and the more he got the bigger the towers he built all shiny and pretty and glittery and of course they always fell down but heh, he just built them up again until he got bored and went and put his squiggle on something, mostly paper but sometimes just on the wall or the desk and then people would come in a quietly remove them until he did it again.

He had heard that there was an even specialer block from the wonderful American Lego company made of something called Plutonium and he very much wanted to have lots and lots of these bricks especially when he found out that some of the other school yard bullies had them and he wanted more than they had but the nice people that patted down his wonderfully wispy hair told him that he might not want those types of bricks as they might make him sick. Though when they said that he was sure he heard some other people saying, what are you doing, give Dumpy the plutonium bricks will ya! But so far, he didn't have them and anyway, he was getting a little bored with those bricks now and so went to send some messages to his online friends and tell them how wonderful he was because sometimes they seem to forget and also to tell them how not so wonderful they were and how they might be banned from playing in his house any more if they didn't stop being not very clever like him ans start being clever like him and do what he said they should do. And sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't and when they didn't, he went over and he pulled their hair and stood on their toes until they did as he said.

But his bestest friend in the whole wide world was his kissing cousin BoJo and BoJo was having the bestest time ever because he'd found such a wonderful tree where money grew and he liked giving the money to all of his bestest friends including Dumpy. And when people asked BoJo where all the new money came from he just blathered at them until they forgot the question and sometimes he blathered so much they actually forgot their names or where they were or what day it was but that suited BoJo just fine.

...and meanwhile... a nice writer man called Steven King was writing to lots and lots of people that he was most certainly not Steve King and that Steve King was very much a different person of very limited intellect and should not be confused with him, the great Steven King which more and more people seemed to be doing aided mainly by dumb algorithm thingys on computer whatsits...