Squirrels and Horsemen (possibly, but not definitely, apocalyptic!)

Squirrel sat counting his nuts, because squirrels can count, when a sheet of newspaper floated past on the whiskery willowy wind. Squirrel caught the paper and started reading, because squirrel could read, he's not stupid you know. He read that the UK is doomed and damned and soon to be sunk without trace in a world of storms and plastic filled water.

Oh, thought squirrel, I wonder how many nuts I'll have when all that happens! Because clever as squirrel was, he could not for the life of him, work out when exactly all of this cataclysmic catastrophe was supposed to happen.

Squirrel released the newspaper back into nature and away it floated on the willowy wallowy breeze. And rain fell and water rose and death and damnation road up with two other horsemen looking for directions to London. Unfortunately for Squirrel, he did not know which road led to London, so one of the horsemen skewered him with a lance for being particularly useless and then the two horsemen heated him with super heated breath from one of the rather fine black stallions on which they each rode and with what used to be squirrel they added the nuts as an accompaniment then headed off in what they felt sure was the road to London.

Noddy and Big Ears were travelling down to London from Birmingham in a pretty red open top sports car of a rather nondescript type although probably an MG of some description but nobody actually knew as all the badges had been stolen years ago by a confused rapper who started with a VW badge and simply started a collection. Noddy and Big Ears were annoyed. They were always annoyed. Mostly they were annoyed that they were known by everybody that knew them, and most of the rest who just saw them but did not know them, as Noddy and Big Ears. This really annoyed them as they were not named Noddy nor Big Ears, nor was Big Ears blessed with excessively large ears, although as he aged they certainly appeared to be getting larger. Or, indeed, his head was becoming smaller.

They seem to have developed into the names that were not their names mainly because of the nondescript red sporty type of car they were driving in and the car they had driven in since before becoming known as Noddy and Big Ears. Their actual names were Michael and Sanjid and they were on their way to London because the big boss had summoned them as some naughty little minx had let loose some papers that papers had caught hold of and the papers were now in the papers. Which had proved terribly upsetting to their boss and lord and master, as he secretly liked to be called and so had summoned his most senior henchmen and general great chums.

Unfortunately for Michael and Dominic the nicknames had caught on and indeed the lord and master himself referred to them as Noddy and Big Ears. And so it was to be that Noddy and Big Ears headed for London in a shiny, nondescript, open top red sports car.

Normally such journeys were uneventful, and most of this journey was short of any events. The only event of note, as they drove down the motorway at a steady pace, was the curious sight of two horsemen astride might black horses eating what appeared to be a squirrel kebab with a side of nuts. Odd indeed.

But on the trundled as the wind blew and the rain... er... rained!

Meanwhile in the nearby forest, a counsel of squirrels had been convened on the occasion of the death of the little known but rather key squirrel of forest of green trees near the big chimneys with red tops and the polka dot horses in a field nearby. This was a rather long title and indeed was even longer if truth be known because squirrel addresses are rather rather long and quite descriptive if not completely hopeless when trying to send letters, but then, there were no squirrel postmen so there was no call for letter writing and the addresses kinda became more pointers as to where any given squirrel came from.

That being somewhat irrelevant and yet a back story of note because the squirrel of the, aforementioned address, was a rather important squirrel in the realms of squirreldom. He was indeed a sort of king of squirrels and now he had been slain, which was pretty bad, but then eaten as well! So the squirrel kingdom was convening a meeting of the greatest and most good of all squirrels in all the realm to determine what action was called for in regard of this heinous crime. And so. They met. And discussed.

Squirrels met and talked. Noddy and Big Ears travelled. Horsemen sought directions and BoJo, he was busy taking cuttings from the money tree he had found. BoJo felt that if he had one money tree then he could make n number of promises but if he took cuttings and grew several more money trees then he could make ever grander, ever more fanciful promises of funding from the wonderful magnificent glorious money tree.